GI Joe Retro: Hiss Tank Review.

 

 

I think every Joe fan has a soft spot for the Hiss Tank.  I certainly do despite the fact that it's mostly a big lump of plastic with a few points of interest and articulation on it.  Its both ubiquitous and iconic and really nothing says "Cobra!" like when one of the named enemy characters shouts that very battle cry from the turret while charging all "Leeroy Jenkins" into gunfire.  

Introduced on store shelves in 1983, the Hiss became a mainstay of the mail order system for years afterwords, receiving a number of modifications and updates over time.  The Hiss has managed to do what a lot of GI Joe merchandise has failed to do, which is to find it into the hands of almost every collector who wants them while being a well loved vehicle, even if collectors are tired of it.  

Now we're back with the GI Joe Retro line, which was the 2020 Stratagem by Hasbro to reintroduce GI Joe once again in 3.75" format some years after a "pause" in its development.  To whom' the intended market is, I'm not exactly sure.  There are reasons to think its a try at a broad-banded appeal to both kids and collectors in advance to the Snake Eyes film that has been released recently, but I can see flaws to marketing towards either demographic.  Also, the film really wasn't that good.   
 

To legacy fans, this new line offers more of the same with somewhat reduced authenticity.  There are unfortunate changes to the file card format, and an unfortunate lack of blueprints.  That last one really hurts! I may have mentioned that I love a proper vintage-styled blueprint and they, along with file-cards, are a unique feature that made GI Joe stand out above all other toys of the 1980s. 

The newest HISS release comes with a driver, which is good.  Most of his getup is a fairly uniform medium red with a touch of candy pink, which even for Cobra is a bit of an odd color choice. 

The cockpit is wide enough side-to-side, but unfortunately like other modern vehicles adapted to the 4" size, it lacks any sort of head clearance.  You have to position the driver just right to close the top.  

He comes with web gear that I haven't managed to get off, though I'm certain to be underwhelmed if I ever do, which is why I'm just not going to try that hard.  The only other accessory he comes with is a figure stand, which I'm happy to have.  However, it is marked "Cobra Trooper" instead of "Hiss Driver", which I'm going to chalk up to being one of the most ridiculous cost cutting measure you can imagine. 

The toy itself is a largely a big hunk of hollow plastic.  This is likely why it gets so many releases.  Compared to the intricacy of the AWE Striker and its various molds, and I'm guessing its simple lines likely make it easy to animate too.  It really is little more than a lump of plastic.  It lacks moving treads seem on things like the Mauler and the POC Hiss; instead, it just has treads molded into the body of the vehicle.  The Hiss Tank has always had this feature since its first release in 1983.  It does roll thanks to two wheels mounted under the molded 'treads'.

On the rear deck you'll find two modern sized foot-pegs to transport additional personnel, which enhances play value as it makes it a vehicle that can in a pinch, transport an entire squad of Troopers.   

 

There are of course, two main crew positions, the cockpit for the driver, and the open turret for the commander/gunner. 
    
To recap a brief accounting of my complaints:

1. The cockpit is a bit small for modern figures, the driver's head smooshes underneath the canopy.  This of course, is nothing new as this phenomenon was a problem even in some vintage vehicles.  
2. It's a big, hollow block of plastic.
3. No moving treads.
4. Vintage models were known to have a fragile 'clip' that held gun up when elevated.  
5. "Meh" file card format.
6. No blueprints
7. Older versions had a problem with a plastic tab on the turret breaking, causing the guns to droop.  I'm not certain that's been fixed
   

The first four issues have been there since the original in 1983, so its nothing new.  What do I like about this toy?

1. It's durable and simple.
2. It looks great and has a very iconic aesthetic.
3. It was very easy to find during its run.  
4. It provides good play value.
5. There's still fairly good detail.  
   

 If I were to hand out a general grade, I think I'd give it a solid C+.  Its an uninspiring release, however, and since it looks as if the Retro Line is on hold and the modern 4" format on hiatus after a rather short run, It along with the other Retro were just a trial balloon that were just *popped* before anything new and interesting came out.

Jurassic Park: Claire & Some Dinosaur.

 

On a lark I picked up this at the local Walmart.  I haven't bought any figures in quite awhile and it was a few dollars off on clearance.  I can't say that the Jurassic Park world is something that I'm all that interested in.  I liked the first movie, barely remember anything from any of the sequel films and I haven't really given a toss about dinosaurs since the third grade. 

After waffling in the isles over my purchase, I bought this set because of this figure:

Its good to have a few civilians in your GI Joe collection, and this one looks like a good generic, ginger female.  This figure, Claire, is played by Bryce Dallas Howard.  I'm not sure if the outfit is film accurate, but it really doesn't need to be for my purposes. I don't collect Jurassic with the intent to collect Jurassic.  I suppose she can be anything from a plain-clothes operative to a stay-at-home mom. 

Overall I think the figure is decent, with articulation in the knees, elbows, shoulder, head, waist, and thigh.  It does not have articulation in the wrists or ankles.  To me not every figure of every character has to be as limber as a ninja, and a gal who ran from dinosaurs in high heels probably doesn't need them anyway.  I think it was a good choice not to break her arm line with wrist articulation, though while I don't think giving her a complete rocker would have been necessary, a simple hinge for the foot angle to be adjusted would have been welcome. 

 

 

Sorry for the blurred image, my current camera doesn't do close up photos that well! 

 

Over all, its a good sculpt that even comes with a few useful accessories.  There has in the past been some difficulty with female faces not looking quite feminine, but this figure escapes that difficulty.  It comes with a very GI Joe-like rifle complete with grenade launcher.  There is also a smartphone.  She can hold both accessories with some doing.  Claire also has foot pegs in her heels that are a little tight for modern Joe standards, but can be made to fit with some force.  The feet are rubbery so stretching over a modern joe-peg shouldn't be a problem  

Onto the Lizard.

This, the packaging tells me is a dilophosaurus, a genus of theropod dinosaurs that lived in what is now North America during the Early Jurassic, about 193 million years ago - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dilophosaurus.  That's okay with me because it turns out, I don't know squat about dinosaurs.

Okay, with the dilophosaurus, its accessory is a wad of acidic spit.  I don't recall if this was used at all in the sequel films, but here it is!  Keep in mind, there is no spring loaded mechanism behind it as it only sort of squeezes into the throat peg.  The dino has articulation in the hips, the shoulders and the colorful neck frills (which like the acidic spit are fictional embellishment, not real biological traits of the dilo)

Its mold is such that it appears you should be able to rotate the tail, but it doesn't really rotate, which would maybe have been useful because despite its leg articulation, there's pretty much only one way it can stand.  The left foot must be flat and forward with the right leg back and balanced on the toes.  This is the only way it can stand on a flat surface, and it doesn't stand easily.

Rats! It fell over again!

This thing is simply cheap.  If you are a Jurassic collector, I'm not sure why you could be that enthused about things like this when they are executed so poorly.  If you are going to make it able to stand in only one position, why give it hip articulation?  And if you want something that can stand in one position, why not design the back foot with a better surface for standing?  This thing is not very well thought out.


Oh wait, what I thought was a plastic moulding plug on its back actually pulls out.  It has a Jurassic Park logo on one side and an electronic terminal on the other.  I haven't seen Jurassic World, so I can only guess this was about trying to make modern-era dinosaurs even more menacing by making them even more ridiculously implausible.  I'm certain the next thing up is a Dino zombie apocalypse right around the corner.     

At least you can say this makes the dilophosaurus something right up Cobra's alley if you go for the classic Sunbow depiction...

This set is currently listing for about $15, but I got it for ten.  Still for me, it was a marginal purchase.

Haslab Skystriker Achieves Production, Two Stretch Goals Met.

 I had placed an order for two Haslab SkyStrikers a few days ago, and when I did so I did it with a solemn thought that I was giving no more than symbolic support for the cause.  As of the time I placed my purchase, the pledges had achieved a little over 50% of the goal I though there was no way it was going to break the needed 10,000 to get off the ground, let alone meet any of the stretch goals.  In fact, When I went to bed last night with twenty hours left, the number had barely crept over 7000.  I thought for sure the effort was doomed to fall short. 

However, when I woke late this morning, the number had charged ahead of 8000 and I thought for the first time there was hope it would all happen.  After dozens of refreshes, there was one tense moment when for about the space of a half an hour, the counting froze just short of the goal at 9942!   Could this be signs of a problem that could jeopardize the project?  

Fortunately, the counting did resume and kept building throughout the afternoon and evening until it reached its final number at 11:59PM EST, December 7tt in 2021.  The final number was 16,802!

I am very happy to spend nearly $500 on this, even if it does take the better part of a year and a half to get the return.    

Achieving 16000 orders means that the project met two stretch goals: O-Ring Scarlett in a blue "ace-style" flight suit and Nightforce Ripcord.  

These are digitally rendered and hopefully that Ripcord will end up more detailed than that and Scarlett's sculpt with be a marked improvement over her vintage likenesses, but in any event I'm glad we at least got the Super Skystriker and all the accessories that go with it.  I am also very excited about that Scarlett in particular. 



It comes with all the above, PLUS two ejectable seats with cloth parachuts.  AND THERE'S MORE!  Haslab reworked its offering for its Rancor project because support was flagging with hundreds of supporters backing out of their purchases just a few days before the end.  Likewise, Haslab added more to the initial package by including the following:

In attempt to get both projects back on track, Hasbro waved more carrots at collectors.  Alas, the Rancor project ultimately failed but the SkyStriker zoomed ahead!  We will get everything you see above, and a little bit more.

I'd like to address some of the commentary and controversy around projects like this from Haslab and explain why I backed it.

1. I do not have a vintage SkyStriker and vintage examples in the condition I wanted approached the cost of the Haslab thing. My Flagg lacks the fuel and munitions truck, so this whole package fits my needs very well. 
   
2. This thing has a lot more features than the vintage model, including two separate levers for the gear and the wings
3. I do not think this particular set would play well at retail.  
4. I have no problem with Corporations seeking profit using crowd funding.  I do not believe that the alternative to this SkyStriker at a $225 kick-starter would have been a boxed set you could buy off the shelves for far less.  Maybe the failed Rancor finds its way into a Mylar box near you, but GI Joe does not have nearly the shelf appeal that Star Wars does. 
   
   Also unlike Star Wars, the path to making money off of toys isn't as clear.  Until last year we hadn't see GI Joe on shelves for several years.  That only happens because the line wasn't making Hasbro money.  I can't say how Hasbro is doing with its 3.75 inch line right now, but they have halted new releases of the Retro Line in favor of 6" and upcoming O-Ring releases, so there's that 
   
5. I  have no animosity towards anyone who criticize Hasbro for creating something like Haslab. 
   

All-in-all the worst part of it is the wait until Spring of 2023 to get this thing.  As of Wednesday the 8th the money is being being withdrawn from my account and its going to be well over a year until we see the actual product.  Most everything was a digital mock-up and everything else was a prototype, so we are putting a lot of trust in Hasbro to deliver a good, ultimate SkyStriker.